A love

There is a love inside me so strong that I feel the need to cry. I feel the need to cry because my heart aches.

Life is forever changing and I lost a part of myself. Not for anyone but myself. I'm on this journey. Learning again and again the ways in which we use the people around us and the things inside of us to lose ourselves. We use people, drugs, sex, fear...as ways to avoid the truth.

I've been dragging my feet. Making sure to not do anything I've wanted to do. Now there is no foot dragging. No dragons on my feet. No foot dragons.

My life this past year was a wonderful gift. One that taught me a lot. One that now I have to learn from. I do have regrets. But I can't think about them. I would be somewhere else. I know that much. But would I be any less full because of it? No. Maybe less open.

I am in another country. For how long I don't know? Will I go home? I don't know. Everything is an I don't know. I lost something and I need to find it again. I am on that journey to search for meaning.

Today I am happy.