Interesting Vacation

I understand why I was put on this earth. I'm learning slowly how to create change within myself through many different means. It seems to be working. I believe that everything I have ever wanted has been slowly coming to me...but in a way I would have never expected. I'm finally learning what it means to love and be loved truly and unconditionally. I'm learning what it means to feel the right kind of feeling, and think the right kind of thought. Although some VIP have said that there may not be a right or wrong. I still believe there is. In my big scheme of things, and so far its worked out for me.

I'm about to embark on another Ceremony. One that involves ayahuasca. Something you'll just have to look up if you want to understand it. The last time I was apart of a ceremony like this I had a shift inside me. I of course was already on the verge of a major shift, but it shifted something big nonetheless. I understood how much I could love something I didn't actually like all that much. People mainly. At the time of the last ceremony I was just out of a major sobriety stint and I had a mind that felt again. Something I hadn't done in a long time. In the 'right' kind of way.

But then some things happened in my life after the ceremony. I was so focused on my past that the present and future happened and I was stuck thinking How the heck did i get here? and why did I put myself and others through this if I knew, I KNEW darn well what was going on inside me. Well. I dont know why I did it? I think it was because I was bored of my life and where I was at the time. I hope to never use people to pass the time ever again. I hope that I never use anyone like that ever again...also I hope I dont get used like that again either...but I dont mind if we have a little fun exploring. Learning. Living...Although this time...i'm going to be Honest with myself. Fully. If I feel bad things from now on. I'm going to understand that its DANGER in front of me...NOT LOVE...silly. DANGER. I will not think my way through it...I will live through it and come out understanding my place in this world.

Since my last ceremony I've moved south. I travel all the time, to places I've always wanted to go. My career is exactly where I've always hoped it would be, blossoming. I have come across people that really don't have what it takes to be in my life. I understand this because they make something inside me turn rancid. Something I've ignored my whole ENTIRE LIFE! now that i'm at the beginning of my saturn return and i'm not struggling to find out what i'm doing with my life. I know that its going to be a hard journey into letting my life lead without too much feeling. without too much thought. Only the thoughts that keep me moving forward in the 'right' direction...even if that direction is sideways. So this ceremony is important to me. i will remember my loved ones and remove my strings. Remove the things I no longer need. And plant seeds where they once were in order for new things to grow and flourish.

Thank you so much for the love that I feel. There are a lot of people out there that I should thank for helping me find the Love I've always had inside.

Thanks VACATION! Skiing is the best

Ps. I quit smoking weed. So proud. My life is forever different.