Saying goodbye

Marijuana has been my best friend since I was 14... All other friends were there, but this one was the one that saved my life.

I had seizures as I think I mentioned. A few months prior I quit smoking. Something I did once before, but I had no responsibilities. I lived a simple life. Now. With so many choices, so many things going on, a new love, a new life, an old life a past that needs to no longer be mourned and a future to be taken on...did I mention I'm in my Saturn return?

So I had these seizures..what a trip...memory loss, pain. Lots of it. Love...wow most amazing person I know with the kindest heart that I fell in love with so safely and easily. But a little rough around the edges...but didn't I always say French canadians were rough around the edges! Whistler people would know what I'm talking about.

My life had never been so stressful. I've been stressed! But I've been stoned and no responsibilities. I was young. Now I'm 27..time to see what no longer serves me. This is what Saturn is telling all of us.

The meds they put me on made me dull, lost, mindless, emotionless to an extent...now I'm coming down off one...mynlife has seriously changed...dude,) now all of a sudden I have my emotions, my crazy has returned. I don't know what to do with it. I have someone else to think about, you hear that all the time when people have babies. But you don't hear about it when talking about love! Because I think about them everyday! A different kind I guess. Now I have to find a. Job. One which is not my old ones. Hmmm how fucking hard is this. I say I could do anything...but I feel stuck...I can't. Live somewhere I thought I was running away from. Now I'm forced to face my past...and my future all at once! Is it because I'm 27 that this is happening? Is that you Saturn? Omg.

Wait...why did I seizure? Stress! Breathe. Remember you don't want to take another medley of pharms...so.

I smoked a joint today. Ease. Relax..pain gone. Emotions calmed...
Of course then comes the clenching and such that I hated before. Of course.

Coffee and weed. My best friends...I can't call you that anymore. I need to face the insanity. I have to be human again.

Sigh...

Where is my inhaler?

.)