Ah HAH...the examinations we face

Hello lovelies.

I am here to talk. But we know that.

So if you've been along for the ride you'd know that i had some seizures. been on medication. Felt blocked, fell in love...living in cold and wet.

Now its warming up...still in full pj's though.

I'm faced with this conundrum. I'm in western society. (disclaimer for all those people who urge me to think about it and be careful. way ahead of you) I love what western medicine has to offer. I LOVE IT! I also dont love it. Like how someone could love nighttime but dislike the scary things that can come from it.

The medication I am on is also used for bipolar disorder. I dont know if anyone has ever been on an antidepressant before? they suck. They make me feel angry, irritable, The activity that helps my flag fly high is stifled by this thing hanging over me. Slowing me down. This medication stops the extreme ups and downs from happening in my brain. If you look into epilepsy in all forms, you'd see that there are a list of somewhat known causes. Read through them and tell me if you have any of these? because when i had the seizures I could have checked off every possible cause on the list.

Then i learn more about misdiagnosis with epilepsy and find out how much they actually know about seizures, its not much. Yes a lot. but Not as much as one like me would hope.

This all makes me think of my life, the thing i've been searching for the entire time. BALANCE. the libra in me is tipping the scale. The balance is now very much imbalanced. One sided. One dimensional.

so! what do i do about it now?

I'm getting the heck off of these meds. This life i'm in, this world is too important to me to have to take an anticonvulsant when my love and passion comes from this brain. I understand the consequences if there are any...but they'll all be great. Because its life, we manage it, we have ups and downs. We all get seizures (look into it, we do). This western medicine will help me with my health when needed. I honestly dont think i need their help with droning out the passion. Being a writer does that enough,) ha

so. august is the month. 6 months. I can in theory drive again. But i'm going to come off my meds. so probably not for a lot longer. But i dont care. I'll do it. life is for living. I'm cool, calm, collected. and would really love to get on with my life.

I haven't discussed it yet with the neuro docs...We can discuss it. I understand. But dont let them put the fear in you. We're human.

dear crazy